I met someone. This is a phrase my squad hears me say often. I am on Bumble, Tinder is a bit slutty for me (no judgment), I have tried Happn, Hinge, League and other than that I am hedging my future life bets on meeting a great guy during my everyday life, or hoping one of my good friends will get off their ass and set me up!
Until one of those magical events happen I will keep saying, “I met someone.” Followed up by a full report the morning after the date.
It is no secret that I loathe dating, I am a relationship kind of gal, always have been. Even in High School, I think I had two boyfriends in four years and that is like 100 in High School years.
College was the same thing for me, only two boyfriends and the second one I married.
So why have I not been in a relationship in five years? Blaming LA is the easy thing to do and it is what most people, including my parents, do. “Dating in LA is so hard,” everyone tells me. First off, Dad (who says this often to me), how do you know what dating in LA is like for a forty-year-old single gal??? You don’t. Secondly, where is dating great? I have single friends all over this great nation of ours and not one of them talks about how great it is to date in their city. Why is that?
No, seriously I am asking. If you know the answer to this ye’ole question please comment with it below and contact me.
Now I may not like dating, but I have had a lot of fun doing it! If you have read this blog or happen to be a personal friend of mine then you know some of the stories (the book will reveal so much more). I have been taken to countless dinners, consumed approx 147 bottles of wine, 36 bottles of vodka, and 5 bottles of whiskey on said dates. Maybe a tequila shot mixed in there every now and again. I have travelled the globe, put my toes in the sand, swam at midnight in the ocean, cruised on boats, flew in planes, shopped in some of the most expensive stores around… all with a maybe future Mr. Keylee. None of them stuck. Something was always missing.
Finally one day it hit me like a bolt of lightning, I had already met the person that I would be with for the rest of my life…. ME!
I came to realize that had never had an honest, authentic, loving relationship with myself. I know it sounds a bit crazy but I have discovered this to be the same with countless girlfriends of mine, single or not. We don’t take the time, especially as we age, to be in a relationship with ourself. We don’t take the time to become comfortable with us, morning breath and all, at each different stage of our lives. It took me forty years to realize this, let’s call itthirty-nine Years and a lot of therapy.
I have a few questions for you to consider:
- Are you always 100% honest with yourself? No, you are not. We lie to ourselves all the time. The cookie, we want to eat and promise that we will work out an extra session this week for or the guy that is waving a BIG red flag in our face on a first date and we play it off that he is quirky. We tell ourselves things like, if I hadn’t slept with him on the first date I bet he would have called me or if my thighs were just a little bit thinner I bet he would have asked me out. All of it is pure and utter bullshit!
- Are you authentic with yourself? This was a big one for me. How many times have you done things you didn’t really want to do because it was going to make someone else happy? I did things much of my life because I thought I was supposed to and it was what was expected of me. At the age of twenty-four when a great guy that you love gets down on one knee and asks you to marry him, you say yes, because you are supposed to… right? I never once stopped to ask myself if I wanted it. I need a house with a husband, 2 kids, a dog, a summer home, and luxury cars in the driveway…., right? That is what girls like me have. Learning to be authentic with me was like learning to walk in heels again. I wobbled a little at first but once I got the hang of it I quickly found out that it wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be. Matter of fact, being authentic, like a great pair of heels, makes me feel sexy and now I can run if I need to.
- Do you love yourself? No, not like that dirty minded people (though I highly recommend that as well). No wonder our body is not perfect, we are usually not very nice to it! How often do you mentally beat yourself up for not making it to the gym or taking a nap when you should have been cleaning the house. Why aren’t I that girl who has it all together; the job, the man/woman, the house, and the perfect clothes? Until you start being nice to yourself and loving yourself for exactly what stares back at you in the mirror can you even begin to be ready for someone else to love you.
I am a big believer in self-improvement, that is a different subject. If you want to lose ten pounds then go for it, but promise to love yourself even if you only lose three pounds. Yes, you should have made time to stop and get a manicure or pick up your favorite dress from the dry cleaners but you didn’t so get over it. The world will not stop turning, but your soul will slowly start dying if you don’t start being nicer to yourself.
So get our your post-its and write yourself love notes that you can see every day. I have one on my bathroom mirror that simply says, “I love you” and it is taped next to a photo of me laughing uncontrollably at my last birthday- I love the joy in my face and sometimes I just need to be reminded.