Walking out of the Los Angeles County court house on December 4th, 2012, I felt ten pounds lighter. I was walking taller, smiling from ear to ear, and I was defiantly ready to celebrate- a new woman! I called Soho House to make a dinner reservation and then called my friends to let them know the plan and that I had finally been granted my divorce!!!
FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK YOU, BABY JESUS I WAS FREE AT LAST!
The next day after taking my mom to the airport I still felt like kicking up my heels, despite my slight hangover. I had no idea what I wanted to do, and I knew I needed to go to the office, but I wanted to do something crazy! So I went to the Del Taco drive through and ordered my favorite veggie burrito- my version of crazy and yes I know it is lame!
I went to the office and got to work, I told no one about my Del Taco splurge- Jack woud have killed me! Soon I was not focused on my newfound freedom, I was lost in emails. Then I received a text, It was Andrew. Andrew, really? I thought to myself. He had made it very clear that he was not interested in perusing a relationship with me, so why would he text me? I sat there and looked at his name on my screen debating if I wanted to read the text or not. Of course, I ended up reading it.
“Hey, I am coming into town and would love to see you. I have been thinking about you.”
Ugh… What a dick….was my first thought. How can he even have the nerve to contact me? He has been thinking about me? What he has been thinking? No way am I meeting up with him! He can kiss my ass! Well, maybe I could just meet him for just a drink? I could use some closure, and he owed me an explanation!
So I text him back, “Sure, when are you in town?”
I played it cool, not committal. He answered within moments, and I thought to myself, “what time is it in Portugal?”
From Andrew; “I am there on the 12th, I will make a reservation.”
“Ok,” I text back to him and then immediately text all my girlfriends to give them an update.
The next day I didn’t even think of Andrew, I was too busy packing for my weekend getaway with Jaxton. Hollywood Ski Week was a perk of his job and he had invited me along this year.
Time in the mountains sounded heavenly to me, it was December after all and I could use a little winter weather. Falling snow, roaring fire, holiday décor, fun parties, snuggling on the couch, sleeping in, snuggling in bed, nothing sounded better. On top of it all, I couldn’t wait to celebrate the fact I was finally really single. Legally single. It had been years since Jaxton, and I had been away together and since projecting huge expectations on a man are always such a brilliant idea (haha), I decided this weekend was going to be perfect.
So, of course, I packed everything I could think of that I might need (in any situation possible) and was out the door. Jaxton text that he and the car were outside, so I zipped up my over-packed suitcase and was out the door.
As we got to our gate at LAX I realized that Jaxton knew many of people that were going on the trip, I wasn’t super surprised, but I hadn’t’ really thought about it. It was one of the first times we had been public/social situation together as a (pseudo) couple and it felt awesome. Jaxton had always been very cautious being seen together while I was still technically married. It bothered me at first, but I tried to understand, he had a high profile job and couldn’t risk a scandal and my x was unpredictable.
From the moment I walked out of my house almost a year prior I felt I was single(ish) and didn’t owe my husband anything, but I realized that I needed to respect how other people felt. Up until the moment, we were told to get on the plane I had a small pang in my stomach. Would he tell people we were just friends? I wasn’t sure how to act, but when the gate agent called our flight Jaxton grabbed my hand, and our weekend began. We were together.
From the time, we were wheels down in the mountains the trip was magical. The car from the airport pulled up to the most picturesque mountain resort I had ever been to. The long drive way leads to a large stone building that was lit up with twinkle lights and sprinkled with snow. Our suite had a fireplace, patio, huge gift bags for each of us; which included boots, ski gear, luggage, hats, gloves, etc.
The best part was the champagne and food waiting upon our arrival. Jaxton had been a bit stressed about taking two days off work to go on the trip, so I immediately opened the champagne and poured us each a glass. Champagne always helps everything. We raised a glass and we started to make a toast about my divorce, and I stopped him. I know he had good intentions but, that was in the past and my, now, the ex-husband was the last thing I wanted to think about this weekend. I interrupted him, “let’s toast to a great weekend, to us” He agreed. “Cheers!”
Night one of the weekend was a large group dinner for everyone attending the weekends’ events. It was a casual night of everyone being social and saying hello. I was the new girl and as confident and comfortable as I usually am in social situations, this one made me a nervous wreck! I was rarely in a room where my date knew everyone, and I knew no one. I quickly went into my default mode which includes cocktails! Jaxton said hello, or I should say everyone in the room wanted to say hello to him, while I went to the bar and got our drinks.
I was happy that others at the party had enough manners to not ask me if Jayson and I were together- you would be surprised at how brazen people can be. I still did not have an answer for that question, and this was not the time to discuss it with him. I don’t mean just not the right time that night or that weekend, but the right time in life. If I was honest, I wasn’t ready to answer it either. I just got the new title of the ex-wife (again), and I wasn’t excited to give myself another one of any type. As much as I loved being with Jaxton I wasn’t ready to be with him with him- you know what I mean!
The next morning we woke up and opened the curtains, we were in a winter wonderland and had the whole day to do whatever we wanted! I quickly decided it would be sleeping in, ordering room service and watch a combination of bad reality TV and movies. By lunch, we were ready to venture out of our room and decided to go to the mountain to watch everyone ski. I am not a great skier and it was snowing buckets. Luckily neither of us had any desire to embarrass ourselves on this trip. So we had lunch, looked at the mountains, shook hands and headed back to the hotel just in time for smores by the fire pit and a whiskey tasting in the bar.
That night was dinner and games in the hotels’ arcade! The basement of the hotel was a bar filled with stand up arcade games, a bowling alley, delicious fried bar food and before I knew it we were doing shots with “our” friends! I say, “our” because though I knew no one when I arrived, everyone was very sweet and inclusive- needless to say, I was having a blast- more importantly, we were having a blast! For once we were a normal couple, no hiding, no looking around to see who was watching… it was awesome.
The next day we didn’t even move until at least 11 am our late night, and the thin mountain air had caught up with us. I woke up in the middle of the night after having a dream about Andrew and paced for a bit. Having a dream about a man and waking up next to another man is so awkward. The dream was me yelling at Andrew, screaming at the top of my lungs actually- I never told Jaxton. I felt very odd about the whole thing, why was I so angry at him in the dream? After sleeping in we decided to have another lazy day, shopping around town a bit and then got ready for the final dinner and private concert.
It was our last night, and I was sad to see our trip coming to an end. Luckily I had brought my favorite chocolate brown leather strapless dress that looked pretty amazing if I do say so myself and perfect for a mountain setting. After I slipped into my peep toe leopard heels with an ankle strap and had Jaxton zip me up, I asked if it was too much for a work function- his work, not mine. He had the best reply… “Nope! Every man there will be jealous of me!” He gave me a huge grin, and we were out the door. As we walked into the ballroom where the dinner was being held, and Jaxton was holding my hand I felt like I was floating on air.
I wanted this feeling to last forever, at the very least for me to never forget how it felt.