I Wasn’t Ready To Leave.

The next couple of days were calm and relaxing on around the farm.  Andrew worked each day while sat on the upstairs porch, working through email and Skype. I even had a conversation with my divorce lawyer that was 100% awful. Work was getting more intense, I did have three state pageants to produce in the upcoming months. I also took advantage of the down time and went running almost every day, it was a simple and lovely life.

Andrew’s daughter and the rest of his family would be arriving in just a few days so he decided that the two of us should go to dinner before everyone arrived, I was thrilled!  In preparation for our date night I went on my daily run and jumped into the shower.  As I was deciding what to wear I got a text from Andrew, who was one building away in his office, “Change of plans for tonight, I forgot it was my monthly boys dinner.  I hope you are not upset, come to the office so we can talk.”  Upset?  No, why on earth would I be upset. I flew 5000 fucking miles to spend time with him and he was going out for a boys night???   I wasn’t mad; I was livid, I was hurt and more than anything I felt like an idiot.  I started with playing the ‘Keylee, what the fuck are you doing with your life’ track in my head. Here I was standing out on a limb so far with my feelings, hanging his fucking laundry on a clothes line, trying to learn phrases in Portuguese, preparing his house for the arrival of his family and he is going out for a boys night?!?!  I am an IDIOT!

After being really pissed for about ten minutes I collected myself and walked into his office before I made it though the door he was apologizing.  “Sorry, I totally forgot about tonight, I hope it is ok, ” he said.  Of course, I said, “sure, it is fine.”  For anyone who has ever been in a relationship then you now what fine really means. But, what was I supposed to do? Throw a fit?  Yell? Scream?  What would that accomplish? If he rather go out with his friends then he should go, I thought to myself. It was the first no win situation he had put me in and let’s just say, I didn’t like it!

To be honest, at this point in my recovery (that is what I have come to call the first couple of years after I left my marriage) I was not strong enough to say what was really on my mind.  So instead of saying what I wanted to say I told him, “I am disappointed but if you want to go out with the boys then that is what you should do.”  I stayed in that night with my anger and ate pâté, drank all the wine I wanted and of course cried myself to sleep.  Totally healthy in all fronts, I know.

The next morning Andrew was his sweet usual self, but I was not in the mood.  I decided to sleep in so he brought me tea while I was still in bed and tried to make small talk.  I had heard him come in the night before but pretended to be sleeping. So I was up most of the night going over and over in my head what I wished I had said to him.  I decided to skip breakfast and go for a run, I needed to burn off some of the anger before I started my day.

When I returned about an hour later Andrew, with a huge smile on his face, said he had a surprise for me.  Something about his smile always seemed to soften me up and he knew it.  He needed to run into town and wanted me to go, I didn’t think that was much of a surprise but I was dying to get off the farm so I agreed.  I took a quick shower and threw on a pair of jeans and headed to the car.  When I came out of the house and Andrew was wearing his motorcycle gear, “we are taking the bike!” He said with a great big smile.

I have never been a fan of street bikes, but somehow I was still a fan of his, I thought what the hell and grabbed the helmet out of his hands.  As I went to put the helmet on Andrew grabbed me around the waist and kissed me deeply.  As I took a step back, slightly dazed, he looked at me and said, “thank you for not making a big deal about last night, I know you were upset.  I had a great time, but I missed you terribly.”  I said nothing and put my helmet on, crawled on the back of the bike and held on tight. The ride was thrilling, he drove like he did most things; very intensely!  As I held onto Andrew as tight as I could I felt myself melt into him, I could feel his heart beating and it made me calm.

We went into town to run a few errands and then drove to the property that was adjacent the farm.  It was the property that Andrew wanted to purchase and restore, he had talked about it ever since we met. The land included; a forest (yes, a real forest), a vineyard, two stone buildings, a barn, the main house and lots of history.  I could see the house and most of the property from the porch that I sat on each morning and we had driven by it a few times but I had never seen it this close up.  For just a moment as we walked around the property I let myself think about what life would be like there, how extraordinary it would be to purchase a piece of history like that and restore it- it has always been a dream of mine.  Andrew had lots of plans for the property and informed me that he would take care of everything around the property and would leave the house up to me. I would need to make sure it had a few modern day luxury’s you know like a washer AND dryer!

The next day Andrew informed me I could not go running, no one could.  At first, I puffed up thinking “you are not going to tell me what to do!”  Then he went on to explain that it was opening hunting day of the season and since the run I took was through the countryside no one should go running for fear of getting shot!  Oh, ok I guess I can’t be mad that he didn’t want me to get shot.

That afternoon as I sat under a beautiful fruit tree by the pool Andrew asked me out on another date and this time he didn’t cancel.  We had a romantic dinner and a wonderful night!  His family would be arriving the next day and I found myself being very nervous, but soon I faded away was blissfully asleep snuggled up next to Andrew.

The next morning Andrew was nervous as well, running around the house making sure everything was perfect.  I was happy to see that once everyone arrived he started to relax.  We all spent the first evening in the back courtyard outside the kitchen drinking wine, eating grilled calamari and listening to his father tell story after story about the farm, Andrew and growing up in Portugal.  His father was very orderly and old school and strict yet he was kind, warm and very funny.  I always knew that Andrew looked up to him and now I could see why.

The next few days were wonderful; we laughed, spent time with his family, went running together, laid at the pool and tried to absorb every last second of being together that we could.  We had made it through the awkward stage and were finally on the same page.  The connection we had when we first met in LA was back and stronger than ever.  I couldn’t believe how fast the time had flown by and suddenly I wasn’t ready to leave.  I didn’t know when we would see each other again and that made me nervous.

The morning I left Andrew drove me to the airport in Lisbon and we talked non-stop the whole way, we were both avoiding the ‘goodbye’ conversation.  Part of me was excited to get back to the states but on the other hand, I was super sad to leave all of my emotions were on the surface.  I was flying to Oklahoma to see my family, so I wasn’t going home just yet, but it was a whole lot closer to LA.  Though the trip hadn’t been perfect I knew I was going to miss him and I really didn’t want to leave.  I had started to realize that perfect didn’t exist and he was pretty damn great.

When we pulled up to the departure area at the airport Andrew placed my bags on the curb and walked over to me.  He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me in close, looked me right in the eyes, put his hand on my cheek and said I love you in Portuguese “amo-te” and then he kissed me.  Now I really didn’t want to leave.  As the skycap stood by waiting, I grabbed my handbag, stole one more kiss and turned to walk away.  As I got to the doors of the airport I turned back to see him still standing outside his car waiting for me to look.  I gave one last small wave and headed inside.  I knew that if I looked back again I would either start crying on the spot and more likely run back to him, so I just looked forward and kept walking.

As I sat on the plane and prepared for the long flight home I thought about the trip.  It all seemed very surreal.  I had never been to a country like Portugal or with a man like Andrew.  When I thought about it all I was a little overwhelmed and was happy to finally take a deep breath and relax a bit.

I had been traveling for almost six weeks straight; LA, Miami, Bahamas, Cancun, Houston, Denver, Aspen, LA, NY, Lisbon, New Jersey, Denver, Tulsa, Wichita, Dallas and finally home to LA.  Needless to say, I had a great tan, but I was exhausted and my clothing desperately wanted out of the suitcase it has been jammed into time and time again!   After my brief trip to the lake house with my family, I was finally headed home and back to real life.

Sadly real life turned out to be just as dreadful as I feared.

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