Don’t worry regularly scheduled postings will continue on Wednesday.
Many readers and friends have asked why I stopped writing. If you followed the original blog, Single and Stylish, then you know I stopped writing for the past, almost, two years. So I thought it was time I explained why.
I was talking to Jaxton about it and asked him, “what do I say?” As he did in the beginning of this writing adventure, he told me, to be honest and authentic – just lay it all out there. So here goes.
I recently started reposting from the beginning and writing again due to some opportunities that have come my way in regards to my writing. Don’t worry I will let you know more details as soon as I can. If any of you write, you know that you never truly stop – I have filled so many journals it blows my mind.
Writing about my life; divorce, dating, x husbands double life… etc. , was very cathartic for me. It helped me heal in a way I didn’t even know I needed, it was also very hard- I was reliving the entire experience and exposing myself to everyone. Many of nights I would sit at my computer with a glass of wine, or vodka, and just cry. At times I couldn’t even see the screen through my tears. I knew it was real and I knew it was my life but it was, at the time, hard to comprehend everything that had happened. I started questioning myself and felt very overwhelmed.
From day one I made a deal with myself; if I was going to do this I was going to do it 100%. The good, bad, and the sometimes slutty- I am not proud of every decision I have made, but I have zero regrets. I can’t change any of it and I feel regrets are a total waste of time and energy. I felt that if I could help one person not go through what I went through then it would be worth it.
I have received so much amazing feedback from readers; emails, comments, Facebook and twitter messages, phone calls, and speaking about it face to face. Like everything in life though not all the feedback was nice. I had a gentleman write me to say that it was obvious I was not very smart if I was willing to publicly admit that I had made bad decisions, and most of all to tell me that I must have been a fool not to see his double life sooner. Hey really random asshole who’s name I have blocked out of my brain, your life must be amazing since you make only good decisions or you are a lying bastard who is just too cowardly to admit that you have ever done anything wrong. The best comment (aka meanest thing ever said to another human) was that I would never find a good man with the way I live my life and especially not how I write about it. Yes, more proof people suck.
One thing I did have some fun with is that many people who didn’t know me well thought I was writing in real time. This backfired because men were terrified to date me in fear I would start writing about them. The funniest thing to me was the men’s reactions when they found out about the blog, I will write more about this later but my motto became, “don’t be an asshole and then I won’t have a reason to write about you.”
One reader contacted me to tell me, that even though I wasn’t using my x husbands name, she knew who he was and she had been sleeping with him also. That was awesome.
I think what really broke my heart was all of the women, and men, that reached out to thank me for writing my story. They were saying thank you because it made them feel better and less stupid to know that someone else had gone through it or that it had “happened” to someone else. If I really think about it all it makes me sad for humanity. I can’t even begin to count the number of people that either read the blog or hear my story and either it had happened to them, on some level, or someone they knew. What the fuck is wrong with people?
I would be thrilled if I was the only one this ever happened to, it is the hardest thing I have ever been through- and yes I know that makes me lucky.
As more people started reading the blog and it became a part of my daily life, the more doubt I had that I would ever find my Mr. Right. I made the decision that needed to try and really be happy and that wasn’t going to happen when I was, what it felt, doing nothing but talking about and reliving my past. I needed to heal and for real this time.
I can happily report that thanks to much therapy, time, alcohol, belly laughs, amazing friends and my priceless family I am a totally different person than that girl in a heap on her office floor. Once I got more footing I started writing again and this lead to a few fun projects that are now in the works. I can’t wait to share them with everyone!!! No, I don’t have a book deal…. Yet!
Thanks for reading!